im basically superwoman...

So here goes, it's a lot easier to write when you are given some questions! In fact, that is one thing that my psychologist has picked up on. I often need to be asked how I am feeling in order to tell someone I am struggling. I find it incredibly hard to initiate a conversation about myself. My psychologist says it's as though I need permission to talk about myself. Something I'm working on anyway! Let's start at the top of the comments with experiences. First off... Iceland is booked HURRAH! wheels up on the 30th Nov. We have so far booked a northern lights trip, whale watching, blue lagoon and golden circle tour. I will obviously tell you all about it when I get back. I'm incredibly excited but also a bit nervous as this is my first big 'bucket list' adventure. I'm becoming more and more aware of why I'm doing these things, because I have cancer. But hey that's my excuse for everything now so stuff it I'm just going to enjoy myself. Next comment, what would I like to do? Anything animal related, I loved my safari experience and would love to do something similar again! I'd love to take my family to Disney land, Paris would be great and that's something I think we all would love! I just want some more crazy experiences under my belt, so any suggestions please let me know. I've already done a fair amount of crazy things in my life so far. One of the best still has to be jumping off a 30ft waterfall. (Congrats to Fi, I think one of the most interesting questions I've had so far is yours). When someone is going through an illness that requires hospital treatments, the focus tends to be on the patient, there is little consideration about the people actually keeping your friend/family member alive! I've met countless doctors and nurses throughout my diagnosis and treatments but there are definitely some that stick out from the crowd. I have to say I have had all positive experiences with hospital staff so far. I think the funniest person I have met in hospital was actually the porter who came to get me for my first MRI scan. He showed up in my ward with a wheelchair. When I told him I can walk he was joking about being offended, how I was neglecting his services! We had a good laugh. I always feel way too healthy to be in hospital! I'm surrounded by people attached to breathing machines or bandaged head to toe. You can't see my illness. Brian is tucked away hiding, and in some ways I'm grateful for that. I know he's there but I don't have to look at him. I remember the very first time I got scared about what was going to happen. I was sat alone crying on my hospital bed and one of the nurses found me. She had a very strong Nigerian accent and almost shouted at me "stop cryin, I pray for you!" (You have to say this aloud in the accent to appreciate the comedic value). Since then I've had plenty of lovely people looking after me. I used to love having a chat with the guys who carry out the radiotherapy. They used to just complain they were hungry or talk about a programme that was on at the weekend. It was a reminder that this was just a normal day to them, it made it feel that way for me too. Next comment, effectively the best way to cheer me up? Definitely talking about memories. I asked you all before to comment your best memory of me. Some of the best conversations I've had that have made me incredibly happy have envolved the words 'remember when..' This is because my focus is shifted off my uncertain future and I'm instead reminded of all the amazing experiences I've had with people that have turned me into the person I am today. I'm reminded of what makes me, me. It's also a partial curiosity of how I may be remembered. So just me being nosey! The last thing I'll mention is mental illness, my experience is mostly of depression. It's something I've battled in the past and it's now crept back into my life. It sucks basically! There is a constant battle of emotions in my mind and it is absolutely exhausting. With what I have been through I thing some elements of depression were inevitable, but it's all of you reading this that give me the strength to just get on with things and try to be strong. I've had continuous messages from people from my past, they may have only been in my life briefly, but it's amazing to find out that I've actually made enough of an impression in that short time for them now to call me an inspiration. This is still an amazing new concept to me. For many years certain people have made me feel simply not good enough. I know now that I'm proving them wrong, let's face it I'm basically superwoman...